I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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