remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
