he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
