I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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