dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
