Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
