fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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