Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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