So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
