Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
