I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
