nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
