i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
