I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
