After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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