I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
