he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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