My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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