I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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