How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
