I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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