she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They are going to name an STD after you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
