I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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