i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
