I think I died a long time ago.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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