And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
