Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
