im having a threesome with these popsicles
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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