If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
