WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
