The maid of honor just puked.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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