Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
