just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
