fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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