wakey wakey hands off snakey
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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