I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
