good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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