I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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