at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
