I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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