We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
