so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
