apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
