oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
