That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
