Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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