Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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