it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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