Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
