I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
