I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
