i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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