I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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