dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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