I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
