Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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