Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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