I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
