She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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