You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish i was in the wii world.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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