sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bring money and cleavage
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
