After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
