oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
