It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
