we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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