Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
