just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
