Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
