So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just had sex on a roof
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
